The five key elements to emotional intelligence – Photo Winsor Group
It is particularly important that parents prioritise emotional intelligence over academic intelligence, advises Islamic Careline counsellor Zakiyya Pochee.
Emotional intelligence (or emotional quotient EQ) is understood as the ability to perceive, use, understand, manage, and handle emotions. It is said to be an important skill to master during childhood. Academic intelligence, often inadvertently considered ahead of emotional intelligence, refers to intellectual skills and performance in school.
In an interview with Salaamedia’s Maryam Mkwanda, Pochee stressed the importance of placing emphasis on emotional support and warned that prioritising academics whilst neglecting emotional support could be damaging to a child.
“Obviously, we want our kids to do well academically, but, obviously, putting a lot of pressure on them emotionally can cause a lot of damage,” she said.
While EQ measures one’s ability to recognise one’s own and other people’s emotional expression, on the other hand, IQ (intelligence quotient) measures a person’s academic ability and reasoning ability. Prioritising EQ will help a child understand themselves better, their effect on others and use that to guide thinking and behaviour and increases their chances of successfully achieving their goals.
Pochee explained that being an emotionally supportive parent requires oneself to be emotionally stable. She said an emotionally stable parent would deal with their challenges instead of lashing out at their children.
“Let’s say the child comes home and tells you about school or something that happened, or something silly, and you’re not in the best mood and now you’re lashing out, [saying] ‘just get out of here’ or ‘you can’t have that’. You just start screaming and yelling at the child because you’re going through your own stress. You need to first deal with it yourself.”
That’s why, Pochee says, self-care is important. “Even as mothers, we want to be there for everybody else; we want to be there for our family, we want to be with there for our kids – you’re putting everybody else first, forgetting about ourselves.”
“Self-care is also very important. It’s not selfish, it helps to be more emotionally present. Taking time for yourself, whether it’s a bath or walk, exercise, or read a book if you enjoy reading,” she said.
Maryam Mkwanda spoke to Zakiyya Pochee, a counsellor at Islamic Careline. Listen to the full discussion here:
